This morning I went to the grocery store before they got up, but I knew they were awake when I got home because I was locked out. Not just from the front door that I have a key to, but to the screen door as well. I walked around the house with arms full of groceries to the back door where Grandpa got up from his chair to let me in. "Now, what the hell?" he said. "Carol locked me out." "Yea, she does that." Of course, having Grandpa in the kitchen when I put away groceries means that I get berated for buying too much. It's like a race to put everything away before my sanity gives in. Then, we had a breakfast of banana nut muffins and strawberries.
I went to the doctor in Palm Beach today, but not just any doctor, a Chinese herbalist and acupuncture specialist type doctor, Dr. Lin. No typical doctor here takes Health Partners Insurance, so I gave her a try, but it was kind of odd. She asked me all about myself and my health while examining my tongue and checking my pulse by hand. Then she took me to a room where she put a needle in the top of my head, 2 in each of my arms, my wrists, 2 in my knees and 2 in my feet. After twenty minutes of feeling like my body was falling asleep, she came back in and told me all the things I can no longer eat in order to get better, things like papaya, watermelon, cold drinks (DIET COKE?), salad (in excesses), red meat, spicy foods and cinnamon. She was especially concerned about the cinnamon situation repeating it sternly to me several times with her thick accent. Then her assistant mixed me up 32g of herbs/vitamins/weird dirt colored powder to drink like tea 3 times a day, and I was good to go. Since I was in Palm Beach anyway, I also stopped at the Garden Mall for some new age therapy.
When I got home I realized that breakfast never really ended, because 4 muffins (I kid you not these things weren't little), all the strawberries, 5 cake cookies (the ones with yellow frosting and sprinkles) and a handful of fun size candy bars were gone. To top it all off Grandpa was sitting at the counter spooning fudge brownie ice ream onto one of the muffins to eat. When he left the kitchen he put away the ice cream in the fridge again. But, I didn't mind much that there are now crumbs in the melted Kemps, as my medicine woman doesn't want me to eat ice cream either.
So, what's wrong that you need to see a doctor? Besides living in a house with 2 cigarette smoking chimney stacks that never exercise, are going crazy, and trying to take anyone with them they can?
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