I figured that in her state we would be better off visiting Grandpa tomorrow and going grocery shopping today during my lunch break, so off we went. Somehow as I was rushing her to make a Windixie trip in under an hour, she managed to talk me into one of those little birthday cakes that have a 4 inch diameter. So, there's that.
Around 3 she started asking about her keys. I felt like I blew her off the other night which resulted in her calling Bill, so I took some time to finally locate her keys in the folds of towels in her closet. She said she was happy to have found her keys because she was going to visit Tom. I wasn't going to make her drive herself to Jensen Beach, so off we went.
The whole ride there she kept holding her head and maintaining a face close to crying. When she saw the big letters of Emeritus she said very seriously to me, "you know what Emeritus means, right?" "What?" I asked happy that the silence was broken with an intriguing fact. "It means the end." She looked at me pointedly. "Where did you hear that, that can't be right." "The people there told me." "Really." When we parked I got my phone out and within a minute found that the real definition was " One who is retired but retains an honorary title corresponding to that held immediately before retirement." I told her this, but her mind was preoccupied.
Grandpa was sitting on his bed watching MTV when we walked in, "Hey Sunshine," he said to me and warmly greeted Carol. The conversation ran smoothly until he started getting mad about being there. Who has Carol talked to? Can't she talk to Dr Bob? Every time I interjected to help her, he said something like, "I wasn't asking you." So, I resigned myself to occasionally interjecting to ask him to lower his voice or stop swearing. Carol wondered randomly into the other room, and I went after her to make sure she was OK. "I'm done" she says and starts cleaning up the non-existent mess in the other room. I went back and actually had a nice conversation with Grandpa for twenty minutes. I was aiming to wait until he was supposed to go to dinner before we left, but then he said out of the blue "are you shopping in the boys section these days?" Alright, time to head over to dinner. "Do you think I look OK? I don't have any money so I hope your paying," he say. "That's OK, you look fine," and Carol agrees. "Yea," he says, "I guess we all look a little rough." "Grandpa, I actually look nice. I straightened my hair!" I pitifully point out.
We get him all set up at his table all by himself (guess he hasn't made friends) and chatted a little bit longer. He asked if we were coming tomorrow and Carol said that we were (we are?). She said we would come by probably at the same time (we will?). This prompted him to tell us a half strung together story about how places like that place now have all sorts of visiting hours (OK, understandable), but he was reading in the paper about these people going around taking a (here he did the motion of a hammer until we filled in the word) to peoples heads...
On the ride home I tried breaking silence by pointing to the sky and saying that I thought I remembered that Bill's favorite color was the color the sky was on a clear day. "Looks a little grey," she said sadly.
I find Carol's definition terribly sad. And unfortunately, I think it's more fitting than Webster's. Whether she admits it or not, Carol sees what's on the horizon for Tom and in the not too distant future for herself. Under the circumstances, hiding one's keys and crawling up in a ball seems like a reasonable reaction. I'm thinking my own reaction might be less peaceful (sadly more like Tom).
ReplyDeleteMaybe we should see toss around ideas for distractions. Whether a trip or knitting group, or whatever. What would she be interested in doing?
Just my thoughts. And to Erika, awesome job on the reports. We highly value the information and time you are investing. JB
Man, that was a tough one for me to read there, Erika. Very sobering. What is your opinion about whether she could be escorted to a plane in Florida and met at a plane in Denver? Would she have a panic attack along the way and they'd be forced to emergency land in BFE, Kansas? I would like very much to have her come here for a visit...
ReplyDeleteI don't know. It's like those keys: she's doesn't really need them and it's not a big deal, but she feels like she is out of control and panics, then finds something to worry over. Putting her on a plane towards a destination away from Tom may not be possible, especially if half-way there she forgets where she's headed. I personally feel like we should give her a chance to settle into a routine here-if its possible. Joel and the family will be here over Thanksgiving which give her a lot to be distracted with and she can play hostess, which might give her sense of control. Although, her current outings are scaring me a bit. It's one thing when she walks around the block and I can keep track of how long she's been gone. It's another when I don't get home from work until an hour after the sun has set and she's headed to non-existant banks with her purse and check book/binder.
ReplyDeleteThat's another note I forgot to mention, she's obsessed with her big check binder. When we went to the grocery store she hugged it to her chest through most of the store.
She might just need to get a chance to cycle out of the funk she's in and stabilize.